I have mellowed out.
While some of my first blog entries, about a year ago, dealt with the woes of fading friendships and falling off the face of the planet, today, I am in a very different place.
Last year, I felt that I had been making such efforts at maintaining my friendships, and when I didn’t feel reciprocation, I was hurt and angry. This year, my ability to extend myself is much, much less. I have two kids under the age of two, and my days are filled with diapers, tantrum-control, going to the park, crying and laughing at the little moments that make it all worthwhile…
And so I’m not hurt, not angry, I’m simply grateful for the few friends that have stuck around and who manage, through the littlest things, to keep me sane and cheer me during this blessedly difficult time.
I’m not sure how this change happened. Maybe it’s because the friends who have stuck around made me forget about those who didn’t; maybe it’s because now that my oldest is 20 months, we hang out in the park with other mothers and it’s not so lonely; maybe it’s because I’m growing up. Probably all of these things. All I know is, a year’s time has taught me to appreciate the caring, and forget about all the rest.
So it seems like I’ve finally come to terms with being a mother. No, nothing will ever be the same again. And that’s okay. It’s like Robert Frost says, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”